Every couple fights. It is unavoidable, even with true love. There will always be something that will come between you and your partner, and the two of you will eventually find yourselves on opposite sides of the line. Many times arguments are only small, insignificant quarrels that are easily forgiven and forgotten. But sometimes a fight can be so catastrophic that it ends the relationship then and there.
Since fighting is inevitable, it is essential to become a good fighter. Here are some tips on how to improve your arguing skills and get over that little tiff.
Keep your head
When an argument arises, tempers flare. You often say things you don’t mean in order to vent your anger. Keep the insults in your pocket; no resolution has ever been made from name-calling. The goal of any disagreement should be to resolve the problem, not to keep it going. Instead of saying “you never help out around the house!” try saying “can you clean the bathroom for me; I’m really busy this morning.” This is how problems are solved according to a new study conducted by the University of Chicago.
Don’t try to be the winner
It doesn’t matter who wins and who loses an argument. However, too often couples try to prove themselves right (even if they know they’re wrong) instead of trying to solve the problem. According to the results of a study conducted by Dr. Benjamin Karney, fights are better resolved quickly and efficiently when the couple is willing to find a solution instead of being right. There are no winners if a solution isn’t found.
Rarely do people listen to their partner’s point of view during an argument. They tend to try to squeeze in their side of things without considering the opinion of the other. What’s worse is that many couples repeat themselves in order to be heard and shut up their partners. To find a solution to a problem, you must first be willing to listen to your partner’s side of things. The key is not to talk AT each other, but rather to have a dialog. Keep ideas flowing and, as with the previous tip, don’t worry about who said what.
Remember: you like your partner!
Although you may be incredibly angry with your partner during an argument, it is imperative that you remember that you love them. During a fight, try to remind them that it’s not a personal thing: touch their hand or arm when you’re giving them negative input. Humor also works; this can help lower the effects of name calling and insults.
According to a study released by Journal of Marriage and Family, by remembering that you love each other, these small tokens of affection will illustrate that even in the worst circumstances, your love for each other remains unbreakable.
Slightly tease your partner during an argument, especially if the fight is getting heated. If you can effectively make your partner smile (or better yet, laugh), tension will be cut and the fight will seem less pertinent than you’ve made it out to be.